Overcoming Lack of Appreciation is actually not Rocket Science.
You overcame a lot in life, you can tackle this one too. But it doesn’t mean it will be easy. Not without a map and a compass. Let’s try to understand the situation you are in with a fresh approach.
Women often become critical and unappreciative when they don’t feel cared for, which makes them feel unsafe. Their criticism is often a (highly ineffective) way to try and get your love back.
Crazy, isn’t it? How can’t they see these behaviors doesn’t work and only makes you more distant?
We know it’s super hard to be generous when you feel criticized and underappreciated, but if you can find the uber-man in you, if you still remember what you love about her, if you still have good days together, then the best way to get appreciation is to be generous. To deposit in your Emotional Bank Account.
To download the game bonus from episode 9 click the button below:
What is the Emotional Bank Account and how to understand your woman
We discuss the Emotional Bank Account metaphor in Episode 9. We also created a fun game for you called “The Generous Marriage Restaurant”, which you can use to get generosity inspiration.
If you want to try and understand her deeper, and really get why she’s so critical of you, you should probably look into your dynamic. Couples fall into a negative cycle, in which your way of protecting yourself is pushing her sensitivity, and her way of protecting herself is pushing your sensitivity. Understanding your cycle, and especially what’s under the hood – your sensitivities – can teach you how to stop pushing each other buttons and start bringing more empathy, care, and support to each other. Which will bring a huge relief and create a positive cycle of
Additional tips for MEN on how to add generosity to your marriage
We discuss all that in Episode 8. Check it out, listen to Sheryl and Jordan’s story, use the bonus worksheet we create to identify your triggers, and we are sure you will experience a great relief.
While you’re looking into it, you might want to also check Episode 7, where we discuss the power of vulnerability, which is the key to transforming your negative cycle to a positive one.
To download the game from episode 7 and overcome shame, click the button below:
But honestly, you need to understand that even after you transform your negative cycle to a generous cycle and you’re happy with your relationship, you will probably still fight sometimes. That’s not a problem, as long as you know how to repair and protect your relationship from falling into that annoying negativity. In Episode 5 we discuss how to handle hard moments, and give you practical tools for effective communication (a.k.a nonviolent communication).
Also, you probably want to listen to Episode 4, and learn how to maintain a healthy relationship. Download the bonus to get some more tips on that…
Ready to add
Generousity to your marriage?
Men listen to the Generous Marriage Podcast because they know its made by men, for men. We understand what you are going through because we GO THROUGH the same... stuff.
Shachar Erez, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, 12 years married to Judy, father of two
Ziv Raviv, 16 years married to Rotem, father of three