Summary of this Episode
In this episode of the Generous Marriage Podcast we discuss:
The story of Julie and Josh who were facing big challenges in their individual lives and as a couple: they moved from London to San Francisco, they had a new baby, he had a new job with much bigger responsibility than he had before, his dad died, and he was having an ugly fight with his siblings about his father’s inheritance – too many challenges to handle in a couple of years. They were out of resources and were having hard time connecting.
In therapy they reconnected and decided they were going to get through these challenges and stay united as a couple and a family. They were still struggling for a while, it took time to sort out their lives, feel they belong in their new community, feel they are on top of their new roles, and repair his relationship with his siblings, but they learned how to buffer their relationship from the outside stress.
Coming out out of facing hard challenges they became a great couple: successful, loving, having fun, having a great sex life. They learned a great lesson about the power of staying together through challenges and turning towards each other at rough times.
- The tool of buffering your relationship from outside stress with a scheduled stress reducing conversations, a.k.a venting together.
Scheduling time to vent (about everything other than your partner) is a great way to release outside stress and protect your relationship from stress spillover. It also increases a sense of solidarity between them, helps reframe situations, and is a great way to unwind at the end of long day.
Research: The Holmes and Rahe Stress scale. In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe examined the medical records of over 5,000 medical patients as a way to determine whether stressful events might cause illnesses. Patients were asked to go through a list of 43 life events based on a relative score. A positive correlation between they life events and illness was found.
Since then the scale has been validated many times, and the adverse effects of stress spillover on relationships has been well researched as well.
Bonus: A Guide on How to Conduct a Healthy Venting Conversation + The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale to Assess Your Own Stress Levels
To download the guide click the button below: