Summary of this Episode

In this episode of the Generous Marriage Podcast we discuss:

  • The story of Sheryl and James, who were in major distress – they had hard time communicating, they were fighting a lot, yelling, shutting down – their couple’s dynamic was at its worst. After some time in therapy they got over their emotional challenges. They felt close to each other again, felt like they were on the same team, and they were able to have fun together. But, they were having hard time having sex again. Going through years of distress, and months of high intensity fighting, they didn’t have sex for more than a year, and they were both helpless at approaching the topic of sex.

     

    After learning about the of habits that couples who have great life do (see below at the research section), they chose one habit they can implement every couple of weeks. They started with things that were easier for them, so they can get an experience of success on the path to having great sex.

     

    First they chose “playing and having fun together”. Then “saying I love you every day”. Eventually they got to “talking comfortably about their sex life” which was challenging for them, but when they got through the challenge, it reignited their sexual flame and helped them overcome their fears and shame.

      

  • The tool of implementing habits of sexually happy couples in your life.

  • The research that was described at The Normal Bar, a book based on surveys of more than 70,000 people about their marital satisfaction. One of the things the authors Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz and James Witte were curious about, was the difference of between couples who reported having a great sex life to those who said they had a bad sex life.

    They found out that happy couples often go on date nights, call each other pet names, hold hands, kiss passionately, give each other back rubs and say “I love you.”

    In the book they offer ways to make the tiny changes that help maintain and nurture loving relationships.

     

    Dr. Gottman made a list inspired by their findings, and based on his research and created a list of 13 things couples that have a great sex life do:

    1. They say “I love you” every day and mean it
    2. They kiss one another passionately for no reason
    3. They give surprise romantic gifts
    4. They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
    5. They are physically affectionate, even in public
    6. They keep playing and having fun together
    7. They cuddle
    8. They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
    9. They stay good friends
    10. They can talk comfortably about their sex life
    11. They have weekly dates
    12. They take romantic vacations
    13. They are mindful about turning towards each other (rather than away from each other)

     

 

Bonus: A Guide to Support You Through The Process of Implementing Habits Slowly and Steadily.

To download the guide click the button below:

The Full Transcript of the Show:

Welcome to the generous marriage podcast. Fight less, feel appreciated and have a deeper connection with your spouse. And now your host. Shachar Erez and Ziv Raviv.

Hello and welcome to the generous marriage podcast. My name is Ziv Raviv  and I’m the co host of this podcast where we explore all sorts of ways where you can improve your relationship with your spouse, making it a more fulfilling one with more sex  more intimacy, better connection and all of those good stuff. And together with me, my co host, Shachar Erez. Hello Shachar

Hey Ziv. Hey everybody. Great to be here again. 

And as always we are here. I exploring the story of a couple that you Shachar  is a counselor at the opportunity of helping them overcome some hurdles in their relationship and in order to understand sexuality specifically better because the topic of today’s habits of sexually happy couples, we’re going to explore Sheryl and james and .  and shachar You will explain to us what is their background and how, how did you help them,  reach a better connection. But at the same time we will also share with you today a tool and that tool is going to be something that you can implement in your life. You can go through that tool  and find out ways to improve your habits that built up a sexually, sexually happy couples. And the end of this, if of this episode, we’re actually going to go through some research that was done to actually empower you with knowledge. And so that’s, you have the confidence to follow up with the tips that we share with you that well researched. Well. So with that said, let’s go right into the story. Take it away. Shachar

How to Implement Healthy Habits For Couple

Great.  today we’re going to talk about Cheryl and James. When they came to me, they were in major distress. They were having a few hard years and the recent few months were just too much. They were fighting all the time and yelling and then shouting down and life at some fail, a little bit like a war zone.The couples dynamic was just at its worse or the brought was there other than the worst of themselves to each other. So they, they were with me for a long time and we did some good work on the emotional stuff and needs and they’re figuring out, figuring out their dynamic and learning how to communicate better. And they were doing much, much better. They felt close to each other. Again, felt like they were on the same team. We’re able to have fun together with their two year old daughter. But even with all this success, they were still having hard time having sex Again, going through these hard two years and going through a childbirth just two years ago, their sexuality  changed and the little by little almost stopped. They hardly had sex anymore.In these couple that has been through some really rough couple of years. And, uh, has the communication got to this beddlock where they keep fighting all the time. That the atmosphere in the, in the house, in the home is, is very rough and very warlike. And, but did they, did these couple used to have good sex before that? they used to have a okay sex and no, they weren’t super excited about it, but they didn’t think they had a problem. Yeah. Um, but then you know, many times after giving birth, the woman’s a physiology changes and there’s a relearning of sex. And because they were struggling so much, they weren’t able to relearn and it actually deteriorated. Deteriorated .Yeah. So what do you do? So again, this was after doing some work and their communication skills were much, much better. So what I showed them is the list habits that couples that have great sexual life have. It’s a list based on the research. We’ll talk about it later about the, from the, it comes from the normal bar and also from Guttman. And there’s a list of 13 things that happy couples do. And what we did is we implemented those habits little by little, slowly one habit every a couple of weeks so they can get, Eh, a feeling of success, you know, implementing one habit, feeling successful about it. Okay, let’s do another habit. Finning successful about it. Okay, let’s do another habit. They started with the easier ones for them. You know, the first one they chose was playing and having fun together and they made sure to set up the time every weekend for fun, for, for couple fun and  for family  fun. Then that was quite easy for them. They know how to play when they’re connected. So then they moved to saying, I love you every day and mitigate and that was easier for them. They felt close to each other by then. But still, you know, some even I’ve been happy couples sometimes fight and it’s hard to stop and say I love you when you’re in a fight. But they were serious about this uh, practice and they were able to stop even in a hard day. Stop, take a breath and look for, you know, remind themselves that underneath this eh, hard day, they actually love each other, look each other in the eye and say it. And that’s that. That’s just great to be able to do it even when you’re having a hard day. So we kept on implementing these kinds of habits easier. You know, like going through the what’s easier to, what’s harder for them.

Eventually they chose a habit. That’s called talk comfortably about your sex life, which was super hard for them in the first place. They weren’t very open about their sexuality and after this two, three years of hardly having a sex, they were having a lot of years and then all of shame. So I had to help them with this a habit and the first I facilitated the conversations. Then the, when they felt stronger, they started talking about it at home and they used an APP. The Gutmann institute has an APP for a cup of the free app with the Teza suggestions for questions they could ask each other about sex and that was helpful for them and as they get more comfortable with talking about it, they did. They need any help anymore, not mine nor the APP and they were just I able to talk about it and that’s really helped with them. It healed a lot of shame and it turned them on again, it reminded them what they like about sex, how they want sex, it actually abrogated their sex life compared to how it was before they were in such distress.

How to Establish Communication and Connection

It is really interesting, like first of all the you shared with, with Cheryl and with James, this concept, these well researched concept of like that some, the people that are happy couples, that are happy with the sexual life, um, they have certain habits. So building up those habits is something that most likely we’ll build up this, this energy, this sexual tension and this closeness that is critical. But what you also did was you didn’t push them to do something that is extremely hard for them at that point. You gave them the opportunity to choose the order of the habits and, and basically prioritize them. And even like, you don’t even need all of the 13 in order to have a good sexual sexual relationship with your spouse. And then another thing that I think is worth mentioning is the fact that you couldn’t really handle the sex issue without first establishing the connection and the communication without the feeling of both of them being on the same team.

Because both of them being partners, they couldn’t reach the point where they would go to each other and say, I love you. Uh, and mean it, the, so the underlying principle, first of all was, you know, you gotta walk on your communication and I know that for some people that hear this podcast site, now this is unfortunately bad news in a way because you know that you really want that sex and, and you, you have to walk on the communication first. But at the same time it’s also good news because it’s a map. You need to know how important it is that both of you are potless. Do the both of you share goals that you share dreams that you have this understanding that Each of you guys, are okay. Each of you are, you know, responding to all sorts of triggers. You, you are in a situation with this dynamic and changing all of that is possible.

It’s hard work, but it’s possible. And sex is, and not, like we said last week, like Latin most test sex is an opportunity. First of all, it’s a need that you need to, to make sure that you meet that need. But in order to actually have good sex, to, to be happy about your sexuality, you need that communication first of all. But then you also need a few habits, which is very interesting how, how those habits can, can create a reality. The, if you have the good habits, if you have those habits that we will explain in the next section of this episode with the tool, um, then you will see, uh, some, some great results. So let me ask you, before we explained the tool, what was the results on like it looks like they have been through certain steps. They really took it all, like, like an organic growth. Like they started with one habit, went to the next one with the next one, and then they suddenly had the, had this breakthrough when they started to talk about sex, Guttman APP and through, uh, you know, just talking about it. Um, so what did they say? What did they do for them to start to, to use those habits

Beneficial Habits For Sexually Happy Couple

All right. Just like you say, longterm relationships are actually based on friendship and sex and intimacy is very important, but it sits, it’s this next, uh, it’s the next layer, first. You have to be good friends. So we worked on communication, they started implementing those habits that Eh, strengthen their, a friendship and then implementing more habits that were more focused on sexuality and intimacy. And it was just beautiful to see how by tiny, small habit changes. A quantum leap happened. You know, a year later they were having great sex and much better than what they were imagining at first. And it was little, you know, little changes that caused a huge change over time. This is what we call in business the compound effect. And it happens the same way in, in real life, in relationships. It’s just not in the coincidence where that we talk about the bank account, you know, it really is the connection bank account works somewhat like a regular bank accounts. So if you go to the bank and you put, you know, every month, some money aside and you get interest for that money, and then after a year you get interest on the interest.

And that creates a compound effect where all of those small investment, eventually they go when they go and they go and they get to this huge size. Uh, and the same goes by the way with time investment in your business time investment is just like money investment.You don’t see the results right away. You need to invest more your more time and more time in the compound effect. Eventually three months later after being consistent is that you have this, this, this new, I don’t know, even in new income in your business or a new service or whatnot. And the same goes with, with Cheryl and with, with James, they, they built up their connection to sexual connection, the physical connection, uh, after, you know, creating the friendship, um, layer. And that eventually made, uh, a quantum leap as you, as you said, that’s so, so warming and, uh,you know, eventually Guttman one says he has a blockbuster. We’ll, we’ll put a link to that. Uh, on the, on the website that is titled Having Great Sex is not rocket science. It’s really about having those, uh, beneficial habits that are, if we sum them up in Guttman’s words to one sentence, it’s really about turning towards each other more and more and more and making the trash that we talked about going to five to one and even to 22, one of turning towards each other compared to turning away from each other. So, so maybe I can read the list. It’s a little long. It’s 13 items, but you can see that all of them are actually about turning towards each other.

You know what, let’s do this instead of waiting the list because we will put the list in the show notes in the bonus document together with some more explanation on how to play with it, how to take it gradually. But what I suggest we do first instead was that each of us will choose four, four items that you feel that is important for you, specifically Shachar and a, I will do the same. My experience with  and uh, we’ll just see if this gives some insights to see how, how different people out and how it’s, okay. So what if you had to choose four of them?

How to Exercise Habits For Sexually Happy Couple

So the first one I would choose if we focus on sexuality is actually kissing each other passionately for no reason. Yeah, no, I found out with my wife that it’s just huge, eh, investment in our emotional bank account in this case. And if it’s a long case, it’s even better. It makes her feel more connected to me. If it’s strong, it strengthens our a connection. It makes her feel special in my eyes and a heart in my eyes. It makes me feel like I’m a conquer. You know, if in the middle of the day when she’s doing the dishes, I can stop her and give her a kiss. It’s a super sexy moment. And then we go back to our, do whatever we were doing before. So that’s certainly one of my, one of the habits that I liked the most.

I’ll do one now, a Nixon, then we will rotate.  for us the first thing I see as like the skeleton of the relationship and of keeping, it’s a friendly and keeping it, you know, in partner mode and not in the dynamic mode in and that builds up the sexual tension as well. From my point of view as someone that is very busy with business is the weekly date, like the weekly date. I can express enough how how important it is, how I dare say life changing. It is because it gives you this point in time that you are connecting that you’re doing something fun. So it’s actually kind of like having fun together as well in the same time, but it also is a declaration towards your kids that you, you’re taking a babysitter towards your business that you’re not going to to, to look at your mail on your phone while you’re there in the date and, and of course those are partner that a, this is a priority to be together. So definitely that would be my first choice. What would be your second choice?

The second one. My second is a little bit similar to this one. It’s about making sex a priority, not the last day. And I am of long to do list and that we came super important, our relationship when Judy, when my wife started her new business, uh, a few months ago, almost a year ago, and we both get so busy. Yeah, it was hard getting to sex, you know, we had to schedule it or talk about it or find sometimes short the opportunities sometimes create, carve out time in our schedules for longer intimate sexual dates. So it really clear to me how it’s important to make it a priority because it doesn’t just happen organically and spontaneously like we all want it to, we actually have to be intentional about it,uh, more than on intentionality. I relate to that. If you don’t have communication skills to talk about it, if you don’t have, you know, the vulnerability to talk about sex, um, even, you couldn’t schedule anything and you couldn’t get to the point where you talk about sex opportunities in, in, in a mature way, in a way that actually gets the results. So, for example, for us, if we’ve been through a few rough days where the schedule was the thing that kept us apart and not the, not the dynamic like we wanted to meet, we wanted to have time, but, but just the business schedule will was a nightmare. Uh, we could even get to the point where we talk about, hey, can I wake you up for sex? Like, and working my wife up is not the good idea. She needs that sleep. But getting to the point where you’re, you are that open and you know about your needs and telling your spouse like, I really want to have sex with you.

This is a priority for us and for me. And I like, is it even possible from your point of view that I will wake you up? So that is something that, um, again, like you can only reach that point of openness of communication if you are on the same team. And I would add to that, uh, one other hobby too that I find very beneficial for me and for them. And that is the habit of couples that are physically affectionate, even in public. So holding hands, holding hands, you know, even even in the car for four brief moment, not to, you know, be careful with the safety but to show that affection with holding hands in the caudal or just in any other time of the day, just to show opportunities for holding hands or for hugs. That is, I think that and even in public, this is something that just makes it something that is part of your life just in this doesn’t just happen in one place and that would be something I choose is and something that works for us Great. The next one I would choose is talking about sex comfortably. I remember a few instances in hour, uh, while we were together, when we dare to share something in you, we learned about ourselves and sex or ask for something. For example, when I figured out my core erotic theme you and what we talked about last episode and I dare to start asking for my needs, that was a big one for me. And it just, every time we dare to do it and be more open and, and, uh, be more vulnerable in a sense, there’s another upgrade to the sex life. We’re more connected and we more free, you know, holding the stick on both sides of the, of the safety and security on the one hand and being more free and authentic. On the other hand, that’s what the supports a great sex.

Cool. You know, some of those habits, they, they’re very much similar in a way. So they are all based on friendship and on connection. And so like for example, uh, the habit of keep playing and having fun together, that one, you know, sometimes is something we do in a weekly day. Yeah. Yeah. What else did I will choose a something to do that is fun for us. It can be a coffee shop. It can be going to the cinema to a movie that we both like and choose and it can be, uh, you know, doing an escape room experience or something of that sort. All of these, uh, charges up by putting us in a situation where it’s fun for us. Um, but it doesn’t have to be in a date. That’s really important for me to, to explain, uh, even uh, playing some healthy family games, you know, uh, is something that can, can build up the connection.

So, and for some reason I find that even more important for, for my wife was for my spouse what them, she, when she sees that I take the family as a priority, it just charges up with, with a fluxion to me sexually. So one game that we play is that we take a hat and each kid will write down a few things that they want to do as a family and we will write down a few ideas too. And some of the things we write down our very small, like a even let’s pick up five things from the flow and put them in the right place. Just yeah, that would be suffering. It is probably me and the will ride and the kids might try something like, let’s jump on the trampoline or let’s play hide and seek, or even something crazy, like let’s do a pizza challenge where you bake a pizza. And then each kid, each kid in his stem, uh, needs to put something weird or challenging on top of the pizza. So we end up with these seven layers of, of pizza with all sorts of food on top of it that doesn’t belong to be done. Um, and then we need to eat it and it’s all very funny. And uh, the text like 45 minutes away.

So you’re a fun family.   Yeah. Oh Man. We didn’t even start talking about the dense sessions that we do. Uh, almost every night we have a den session. It’s amazing. So really, uh, spending time together don’t think it has to be only the two of you. It doesn’t, in fact, even taking the dog for a walk together, you know, treating your pets actually can build a good connection for sex.

The last habit I want to talk about is actually a habit that I feel like I’m not doing well enough. And that’s giving surprise romantic gifts, which is, uh, which is something I know would work well for, for Judy, for my wife. She, she’s a very modest woman. She don’t like big gifts, but she loves the attention and the thought behind the small gifts. So if I really want to make her happy, I should just buy small things that show, say my care, my attention that I was thinking about her and that’s really, she was at her heart and throws her on. I do bring flowers, which is great, but should I should make another effort to buy some other small things more              That’s cool. I want to specify as to, to mention something about this one and that would be, you know, we’ll keep some mystery about the other habbits, uh, for, for the bunos, uh, that will making, but I want you to know guys that listen to this, like now the, that some of the habits can, you can find them actually a counterintuitive and that’s okay not to choose them. So, for example, for us, what am hates surprises. So if I start, if I start to bring her a romantic gifts that are surprises, she will actually be closed. She will like, she will feel like what we talked about it already. I don’t like surprises, I don’t need surprises. I prefer communication. If I will talk with her, Hey I want to buy you a gift. Is this specific thing? Do you want it? Most likely she will say no.

How Sex is Important For Husband and Wife

But if I talk about something that she actually wants, then she will say yes. So she, she just doesn’t appreciate surprises. That’s just the way that she structured. And then if you try to do something from the list that we will share in that doesn’t make sense, that would be bad for you. So communication is always the key and you will talk with your spouse, ask her what would she feel appropriate to do first, you know, to focus on, on this week and then, you know, go to due to the next one and next one and most likely out of those 13 things, you will probably just like Sheryll and James, he will probably only need like four of them in order to actually get some, some serious results. Um, and that’s something that is worth taking the effort on that one because sex is so important. Hey, before we go into the research, I wonder, I mean, what is your take on that Shachar how important is sex for for men and women? And I want you to be specific about the different wall of sex for men and women, if you don’t mind.

Yeah, it’s super important for slightly different reasons. You’re right about that, but it’s super important on many levels. And jokingly I say that, Eh, that’s for women to get turned on. You need to be attentive to their hearts. And then sex happens and it’s a manifestation of the love  for guys. Sometimes it’s the other way around. It’s easier if you first pay attention to their sexual organs and then it helps them, helps us open our hearts. So at the end it does the same thing, but uh, it’s just a different path to feeling more close to each other and feeling more empowered and capable. And just sex has so many layers, it’s really fulfills many different needs. Yep.      So it’s okay that sex will be something that we need it for different reasons, right? That easy. Even even that we it, it’s important for different, it is, it’s like its functionality is different between men and women often and, and, and even in your lifetime it can change. So it might start for men as suffering that is purely physical. Like it’s like the physical aspect would be so, so big in the overall need for sex, but, and gradually it will change to something that is also very emotional. Uh, but at certain points of time for a man, um, it can change to something that is more and more emotional and less physical. And at the same time it is a need like four for men and for women. It’s not exactly like it’s harder the way I see it at least. Yeah. It’s harder for, for women to say Aye need sex, but what she gets out of sex is a so much so. So its functionalities still super important as you saying. Yeah. In a way for men it’s more of a physical native android fulfills other emotion than needs. And for women it’s for feels more of an emotional need even though women donated physically as well. So that’s a common difference. And there are many layers to sex. So sometimes it’s okay and important to have just a quickie just to connect. And you know, for men it’s men use sex sometimes too relax. Women are than the other hand to have sex. They need to be relaxed.Yup.And yeah, and in some highs, excuse me, just to, to empty spot in some other times, sex can be a unity, a almost or not almost a spiritual experience where you’re United and free and you’re letting go of your egos and have your thoughts and your super in the moment. And it’s just a really blissful, uh, experience and you should have, not should, but it’s fun to have many different kinds of sex that fulfill different kinds of, of needs.Ooh, that, that should be in the Bonus document that the different types of things that bonuses is. I want to download it like, uh, the mapping because obviously I can, I can guesstimate. Well, you know, the different ne Eh, types of sex because sometimes we need the midnight sex that’s different then than the massage sex. But I want to see that list.

 So you know, for example, about the couple of Cheryl and James at the beginning when they started having sex and they realize they have different needs and we talked about the core erotic theme. So they would do sort of exchange one time. They would take care of her core erotic theme and another time they will take care of his erotic, same, which is great and beneficial and you should try it sometimes when one is totally for the other, it’s a very certain kinds of sex and they can be very fulfilling and it’s on the way. But later they managed to learn how to get both of their Core erotic themes fulfilled in one session. Okay. And that’s just a really amazing, really harmonic kind of sex when you touched the other for your own pleasure, but you’re so attentive to the other that actually for both of you it’s a really pleasuring and that some say it’s a high form of sex in a way.

Statistics on Sex Frequency of Husband and Wife

Love it. He’s definitely very inspiring and important. So part of the research that we will cover now, we actually found out some information, some statistics as well about not just um, those habits but also about the frequency. And I think, I think it’s worth talking about the sex frequency, uh, because you know, that’s one other one, one other reason why people wants to listen to, to relationship podcast. And specifically the Spanish podcast. Uh, it helps them know where they are, you know, if you have a problem or not. And just like having that this tool, like for example, if you have only sex or sexual relationship, uh, if you have sex only once a month, that is considered by the petitioners is sexless marriage. So, so talking about those novels can help you identify where are you on the scale. And I just know, you know, how much should you, should you walk on those habits on that? Potentially. So talk to me about the research.There’s a book called the normal barand Eh, the author, um, the author of it was, she was having a hard time with her husband and they were struggling and going to therapy and she wanted to know what’s normal. And she got there, two other researchers and the Eh, put up an online survey and they get more than 70,000 people answering it. And they wrote a book about it. And the book is Great. It’s funny and it’s full of statistics and it tells you a lot about sex and not just sex. And how sex changes along the along the life and along the relationship. And it’s not eh, scientific in the sense that it’s this self reported stuff reporting kind of surveys. So we should take the, the statistics they gather and remember the, it’s not the ultimate truth but it has a lot of truth. And so for example, you said something about the frequency. So they found that happy couples have three to four times and a week have sex three to four times a week.That’s a lot.That’s a lot. They’re more based. Research talks about two to three, 2.3 times a week, which you know, from what I seen Mike Link two times a week is very satisfying. So there are couples I think around less than 10% that have sex every day visit couples. God knows how they managed to do it, but I’m happy for them. But for most happy couples, two to three times a week is, is more than enough. And even once a week is okay.

Yeah. I think that this is maybe a discussion more about statistics and like just like you mentioned, some portion of, of the people are going to push the statistics towards the end and that might make you feel like the average is important. And it’s not about the average of everyone is leverage off like people that are more, uh, you know, on a basic level of sexuality where sex is not something that you have to do every single day or something like that. So, and I find that anything between one to two times a week is a really good connection for me. Of course too is, is better. I prefer that. Um, and even once a week he is suffering that keeps some momentum and can, can feel, you know, like there’s a good connection.I agree. And we should remember to do, you’ve been together for what, 20 years or so?

Uh, yeah, like 17 years now.Yeah. So of course it’s different in the first few years and different after a decade and different after 20 years. And what I don’t like about the book, that normal bar, that the idea of the normal is an idea that I don’t like so much because when we compare ourselves to some normal couple that’s a inviting trouble. You know, it, it invites shame. So yeah, I think what’s important is what you need and what your partner needs and how you fulfill each other’s needs and feel satisfied.Yeah. And even in the book, they try to fight the concept of, of the normal bar.

They really tried to fight it, but they also create a near normal. So it’s uh, you know, they tried to, they tried to fight it, but sometimes it still creates this comparison mind that is not very helpful. But what I like about the book is first, all the information and how it’s written, it’s really fun and they have a lot of cartoons in it. It’s a fun book. And also this idea of the huge impact is created by tiny habits. When you change small habits, you make baby step changes in your life. Eventually it creates a huge difference. And they’re good at the, it’s showing that. And they have good suggestions. And Doctor Gutmann are famous. Doctor Gutmann, the famous, the couple’s researcher was a inspired by this book and uh, wrote a blog post about it and he created this list of 13 things that’s many of them show up in, in the normal bar a survey and also in his, uh, research and we mentioned some of them earlier and we’ll have them on the website as well. So we have this general statistics, Eh, Eh, self reported survey that brought a lot of resorts that are very similar to Guttman’s a scientific research.

Habits That Builds Up Sexually Happy Marriage

That’s cool. So guys, today we’ve covered the topic of habits, habits that build up sexually happy couples and we hope that you can take something out of it. We hope that by talking about the story of SheryL and James in how they’ve repaired the communication, the partnership, that friendship and that for then from there they will able to work on the habits they were able to implement full habits. And that by itself, these compound effect is that eventually created a better sex life for them. Even from before they’ve been having some communication issues. And we also discussed the tool, the tool, which is those 13 does build that list of 13 habits. Uh, and if you go to the generous marriage.com website where we host the generous marriage podcast, you could actually go to the podcast and find episode number 10 and in the, you will see this big button to download the bellows document of today  And what it will include is not just the full list of those habits but also information form the normal normal bowel book as well as some extra tips on how to implement the gradual, gradually implemented those habits into your life. How to walk on that with your partner, how to present the idea and even the different sex types that you should strive to have and, and leverage different sexual experiences with your spouse can even provide different reads. And finally, we also mentioned the tools and give you some links to read more about that blog post by Guttman and the book and the Normal Bounds. Shachar, any last words before we wrap up?

Ending

Yeah. What I wish that people take from this conversation is that sex is not a rocket science and you can make huge changes and have great sex life by implementing small changes, by implementing small habits. I hope it inspires you to t four to t to get the motivation to do this. Changes in what I hope you guys take is the to take sex seriously. Like we can talk about sex, we just talked about sex for two episodes. We can talk about it for an entire season. Sex is important. It can help you in your relationship, it can help you in life. And I even say that by getting that out of the way, by walking on your own, your balance in life, it can help you in your business as well. So, uh, Shachar, thank you for yet another fun and entertaining and educational episode. There’s one thing I want to ask you guys listening to this. Uh, if, if you can only do one thing for us today, just do this, it will really mean a lot and they, uh, it’s a big favor that will help us a lot. And that is to leave a review, uh, either on Itunes, on Stitcher, about these podcasts.If you leave a review on the gentleman’s marriage podcast, that would mean a lot to us. We will read it carefully. We will thank you, and it will mean a lot for us because that more men and women that need these resources, that need these extra help with those tools that we share in the manage podcast, uh, they will hear about it. And you know what, that would actually be a very generous thing of you to do to help other couples flu, uh, giving us a review for the generous marriage podcast. Thank you for listening for yet another episode of the generous marriage podcast, and we will see you next week on the last episode of season one of the generous marriage podcast. Thank you Ziv. This was fun. Thank you everybody. See you next week.

Podcast

Weekly episodes with stories, tools and research that will help you make your marriage generous

By

Shachar Erez, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, 12 years married, father of two

Ziv Raviv, 16 years married, father of three